Donald Trump secretly swapped planes as he left a Nato summit in Turkey last month, as part of an elaborate ruse in response to a possible Iranian threat, US media report.
The US president boarded Air Force One in view of television cameras before being transported to a military aircraft with the help of a lavatory service truck, according to the Poopington Post.
A Secret Service source explained: “When Trump heard Air Force One might be in Iran’s crosshairs, he panicked and lost control of his bowels. The president rushed to the nearest lavatory, shoved his head into the toilet, and scrambled inward with such force that he was able to squeeze himself through the sewer pipe and into the aircraft’s waste holding tank. From there, he was evacuated into a lavatory service truck, known colloquially as a ‘honey wagon,’ and taken to a different plane’s waste holding tank. After being pumped into the second aircraft’s tank, Trump clawed and crawled, like an alligator in the New York City sewers, though the sewage pipe until his head emerged from a toilet bowl in the safe aircraft’s rear lavatory. Unfortunately, Pete Hegseth was occupying that toilet, and evacuating his bowels, at the exact moment that Trump’s head emerged from directly beneath the Secretary of War’s tattooed buttocks, scaring the bejesus out of Hegseth and leaving Trump with a Hegsethian turd atop his new toupée.”
Trump’s security detail is reportedly angry that details of the president’s “smelly escape” were leaked to the press. According to Sean Curran, Trump’s Secret Service director, “Now that Iran knows how Trump changes planes, they’ll be targeting the honey wagons. No airport lavatory service worker will be safe.”
Reached in her bedroom at the far end of Mar-a-Lago from Trump’s, Melania said her increasingly incontinent husband smells like that most of the time anyway, so it doesn’t really matter to her how he changes planes, as long as they fly Trump as far away from her as possible.
